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The Onion recently expanded on an earlier comic post of ours. Here’s the story below:
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EARTH—Former vice president Al Gore—who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save—launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.
"I tried to warn them, but the Elders of this planet would not listen," said Gore, who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message. "They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions. Yet even now, the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting, and the cities are rocked with tremors, just as I foretold. Fools! Why didn’t they heed me before it was too late?"
Al Gore—or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al—placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity’s hubristic folly.
"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race," Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home."
As the rocket soared through the Gore estate’s retractable solar-paneled roof—installed three years ago to save energy and provide emergency rocket-launch capability in the event that Gore’s campaign to save Earth was unsuccessful—the onetime presidential candidate and his wife, Tipper, stood arm-in-arm, nobly facing their end while gazing up in stoic dignity at the receding rocket, the ecosystem already beginning to collapse around them.
In the final moments before the Earth’s destruction, Gore expressed hope that his son would one day grow up to carry on his mission by fighting for truth, justice, and the American way elsewhere in the universe, using his Earth-given superpowers to become a champion of the downtrodden and a reducer of carbon emissions across the galaxy.
"Perhaps he will succeed where I have failed," Gore said.
Despite the child’s humble beginnings, experts predict the intergalactic journey may have some extraordinary effects on Kal-Al’s physique, eyesight, and, potentially, his powers of quiet, sensible persuasion.
"On his new planet, Kal-Al’s Earth physiology will react to the radiation of a differently colored sun, causing him to develop abilities far beyond those of mortal men," political analyst Sig Schuster said. "He will be faster than a speeding Prius, stronger than the existing Superfund program, and able to leap mountains of red tape in a single bound. These superpowers will sustain him in his never-ending battle against conservatives, wealthy industrialists, and other environmental supervillains."
Although Gore and his wife voiced regrets that they could not accompany their son on his journey, they tried their best to equip Kal-Al for life on his new planet, providing the infant with a Keynote slide-show presentation of all human knowledge, a self-growing crystal fortress from which to monitor glacier shrinkage, and a copy of Al Gore’s 1992 bestseller, Earth In The Balance.
The baby was also wrapped in a blanket emblazoned with the Gore family crest, which, because it is made of Earth materials, will be invulnerable on the new planet. It is hoped that one day it will be fashioned into a colorful costume for the boy to wear while fighting wrongdoers.
"In brightly hued tights, it will be harder for people there to ignore him when he takes on his new planet’s lobbyists, auto manufacturers, and enemies of justice," Schuster said. "A bold and eye-catching unitard will give Kal-Al, last son of Earth, a formidable tool for protecting his new planet, a power more awesome than any his father could have dreamed of: the power of charisma." |
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Archive for July, 2008
Gor-el Revisted
Smallville coming back for Season 8 (yay…)
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Well, Fall is almost here again and we all know what that means…NO MORE F***ING RERUNS!! Yes thats right our favorite shows from last season return once again with all new episodes!
…Even Smallville is coming back for it’s EIGTH SEASON (Yes it’s been on that long)
If you are having trouble recalling where last season left us, let me fill you in. Lionel is dead, Lana might as well be, Lex is gone for good, and it looks like Kara won’t be returning either.
So thats 4 major cast members leaving the show.. oh ..and did I if forget to mention that the producers/ creators of the show have decided to pack their bags too.
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So do the math folks. Smallville was already steadily declining in my book without these devastating changes so what can we possibly be looking forward to this season?!
Well, here’s what we know about Season 8 so far. We’re getting two new villans that don’t look very promising. (check the back posts for more info on them) Clark will get a job at the Daily Planet (woohoo?). About the only promising news I can get from my sources is that we will see, in some fashion, the Justice League again.
Sorry if this post sounded way negative to all the die-hard Smallville fans, but I gotta be honest. Smallville has gotten really dry and repetitive the last few seasons. It pretty much ended for me when Jonathan Kent died and soon after they wrote out Martha (Anette O’toole)….Why did they do that?!
So for all those Smallville fans out ther enjoy what I hope to be the last season. I’ll be tuning in too, September 18th on the CW for the premiere. |
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Superman Cameo in The Dark Knight??
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Recently Dateline Hollywood relased this image claiming Brandon Routh was an extra in the latest Batman installment. Well, apparently it really was him because they interviewed Brandon and he had this to say about his "Clark Kent" cameo in the film:
"I’m really confident that all of the fans are going to notice that Clark Kent was a guest at Bruce Wayne’s party and demand that Warner Bros. explain it by making Superman a prominent character in the sequel," he added. "And I’m really confident that when that happens, my landlord will get off my back and understand why I haven’t been able to pay my rent the past few months.
Dateline Hollywood also explained that:
"Though the character, who is seen in the background for just a few seconds, isn’t identified as Clark Kent, it could mean he’s going to play a more prominent role in the recently announced sequel, "The Dark Knight Forever."
What do you guys think? Is that him? I must have have missed it in the movie but maybe one of you guys were able to catch it.
Click here for the full interview
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More screenshots from the upcoming release of MK vs. DCU
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MK vs. DCU FAQ’s There will be Fatalities, but those fatalities will not be gory, for example, no decapitations, and they may be renamed to something else instead of being called Fatalities. Also, Only MK characters and DC villains can perform "fatalities", while DC heroes, who don’t necessarily kill, will sport brutality like finishers that function like fatalities, but aren’t actually lethal to the opponent. Ed Boon stated he fully intends to make the next MK an M-Rated game thats just MK. His intention is to have multiple franchises running side-by-side, the VS. games and the MK games to be released together. He stated this game was not his original intention, but his desire to make a crossover outweighed any drawbacks this game presented. While there will be blood, the game will be rated "T", however, Midway is looking to push the "T" rating as close to "M" as possible without crossing the line. Midway’s Marketing team knew people at DC and discussed it with them. When DC agreed, the idea was presented to Ed Boon who, after some deliberation, agreed to the idea. So it was Midway who began the crossover. The storyline for the game will be written by comic book veterans Jimmy Palmotti (Monolith, 21 Down, Painkiller Jane) and Justin Gray (Jonah Hex, Crisis Aftermath: The Battle for Bludhaven, JLA Classified). The DC universe will take place in modern day. From this, I gather there will be no "future" characters like "V" from V for Vendetta. The ending parts of the story mode is quoted as "MADNESS" with "EVERYONE". A quote about the character selection process, from DC writer Jimmy Palmiotti: "I think it came down to a lot of people’s preferences of who would be the best character to put in what situation. We managed to sneak in a few that people won’t see coming". According to Boon, both sides made a Top 20 list of characters, those lists were compared and characters were chosen based on populatiry, then the team looked at logical counterparts. Final character count is still at 20 kombatants, and Boon reaffirms that no new MK or DC characters will appear, and no oddballs like "Krypto the Superdog or crazy things like that" MK vs DCU will feature a story mode from two different perspectives, one from the DC side, and one from the MK side. Ed Boon mentioned that the DC characters will see the MK characters as the invaders, and vice-versa. The character count may be 22 characters total. 20 is the minimum expected. As before, half will be MK and half will be DC. Ed Boon said that the most "iconic" characters from MK and DC will appear. Equally, there will be various MK and DC arenas. Fighting arenas may be actual mergers of two arenas from both universes, like a combination of Shang Tsungs island and something from DC. Scorpion, Sub-Zero, Sonya, and Shang Tsung, have been confirmed for the MK side, and Batman, Flash, Superman, and Catwoman are confirmed for the DC side. E3 Will reveal 2 MORE CHARACTERS, and TWO ARENAS A note about Superman, due to the universal merger storyline, he is weakened by the magic effects, making him a balanced character. One thing that is not known to some people is that Superman’s weakness is not limited to Kryptonite, he can also be weakened by magic.
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Video Game Nerd Reviews Superman 64!
Super Shitty Summer in Cleveland so far
| The Cleveland Free Times had this to say about the current condition of "The Summer of Superman" festivities
Super Pissed ROLDO: Still breaking news. |
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Local comic geeks have even organized an entire "Summer of Superman" to pay homage to the legendary Man of Steel. Now, however, it seems the only thing that could make the battle to celebrate the history of Superman in Cleveland more contentious is if General Zod himself managed to escape from the Phantom Zone to wage war upon our city. The effort to restore Siegel’s homestead and possibly create a Superman museum has — like the unexpected appearance of fifth-dimensional cretin Mr. Mxyzptlk — suddenly taken a turn for the worse. On Monday, Michael Levin, the former chairman of the Superman Committee overseeing the summer festivities, sent out an e-mail blasting Positively Cleveland President Dennis Roche for usurping his position. Levin claims to have spent $20,000 on the projects to date: travel to New York to speak with a team from DC Comics, legal fees for establishing a 501(c)3 for the group, and on preliminary museum designs by Dennis Barrie, a well-known local cultural historian. But Levin says Roche replaced him with Richard Pace, who runs a local real estate firm. Also now in the mix is Rock Hall president (and former CEO of Marvel Comics) Terry Stewart, who is negotiating with his former nemesis, DC Comics, for its blessing to host Superman events in town. "I have it all set up to go," says Levin. "I have all the money raised. But Dennis can’t make any money that way. Instead, they’re going to scam as much money as possible and screw it up. Watch, they’ll go to the Port Authority to get money to build the museum and Pace will design it. This doesn’t smell fishy, this smells like dead fish." Levin has never been one to mince words. The nephew of Maxine Goodman Levine, for whom the Cleveland State University College of Urban Affairs is named, Levin is perhaps best known for his unsuccessful attempt to recall mayor Jane Campbell in 2003. Roche says Levin’s recent e-mails "contain a level and intensity that does surprise me." He wouldn’t elaborate. Cleveland police called Levin Monday morning and advised him to knock it off. "Positively Cleveland was asked to support this committee’s efforts," says Roche (who also claims he had no real influence on Pace’s appointment to the committee). "We want this thing to grow. I don’t think a museum is achievable. But over the course of four or five years we could put together a large annual festival that draws people in from out of town to spend money in Cleveland." Counters Levin: "[Roche is] all positive about Cleveland – he doesn’t even live in Cleveland!" Here’s one way to settle this: Rent a Superman costume for Roche, and a Batman outfit for Levin, and let them duke it out. — James Renner |
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Super Summer Celebrations (say that 5 times fast!)
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Recently SupermanHomepage reported on The Superman Celebration in Metropolis, Illinois. Here is a clip of the annual costume contest. —>
Also, check out the Homepage to see footage of the Guinness World Record for "The Largest Gathering of People Dressed as Superman" |
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Superman: Man of Steel….Where art thou??
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Brandon Routh revealed that Superman: The Man of Steel should go into production from Warner Brothers soon. Routh spoke to Hollywood.com about his upcoming appearance in Fear Itself, and revealed what the current plans are for the next film featuring the Last Son of Krypton.
Asked if Justice League: Mortal would be out before Superman: The Man of Steel, Routh responded "Oh, I think it seems as though that’s not happening, it’s on the back burner right now so it’s just Man of Steel now." In response to the delay between the two films, Routh said "I know, they’re busy writing a script and then I trust we’ll be starting next year, early next year. That’s my timeline anyway."
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Few details are currently available for Superman: The Man of Steel, but it is known that Brandon Routh will return to his role as the Man of Steel and Bryan Singer will be back to direct. Kevin Spacey has also expressed an interest in returning as Lex Luthor. |
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Superman
